a thousand times over.

Today I was reminded of a quote from a beautiful book The Kite Runner. I remember reading the book for the first time and reading the words “For you, A thousand times over.” It wrenched at my heart. I felt like those words in the context of the book were awful. It was just the one little boy bowing down to the other prideful little boy and doing whatever he wanted him to do.

But now I realize those words are words of true love. I remember thinking about how he’s saying a thousand times he’d do the same thing for his friend. Not one time, not two times but a thousand times. It made me think of how boring that would be, or how annoying it must be to do the same thing over and over again. I remember longing for a friendship like that. Where there was a selfless love that I shared with another person. A love where I knew no matter what I did or how long I did it, or how I hurt them, they would still love me.

I told one of my friends “For you, a thousand times over today, and I’m pretty sure I freaked her out. That’s ok with me. I want to care about the people in my life deeply. God has put them in my life and I want to be there for them. I want to be a friend who selflessly, carelessly gives myself for my friends. Not in an unhealthy way, obviously if someone is using me, I’d stand up for myself, but rather being there for them no matter what. If they ask me to help them with something, I want to be there. I want to be the type of friend that people can count on, that they can rest knowing I’ll be there.

I’ve had many friends hurt me. I’ve had people cut me off. I’ve had relationships broken. But I pray God will still teach me to love them. I pray God will continue to challenge me in how to be their friends even while they choose to not talk to me. I pray that I can still be (like I remember always being…) that friend who says “For you, my love, a thousand times over.

I remember after reading those words in the Kite Runner imagining God telling me that same thing, “For you, Emy, a thousand times over”. I remember asking God about how if it was necessary (which it’s not), would you die on the cross for me a thousand times? He told me yes. The words “For you, a thousand times over remind me of God’s love for us. It reminds me of how much God loves us, that God loves us so much, he would keep forgiving us a thousand times over (and even more than a thousand times). I rest in that. And I also pray that God would continue to teach me to be the person who forgives, loves, cares for, encourages, drives around, blesses, advises, etc. a thousand times over for the people God has placed in my life.

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