This world is an interesting place. It’s a place of great hurt, pain, and suffering, but also a place of grace if we’re willing to accept it. If I were to show you my notes from class, I think you’re mind would be thrown into circles. I take notes on a white page of paper because it’s easier for me to make connections with other parts of the lecture. When I have lined paper, I struggle with how to draw out different related pictures. I felt very confined by the lines on a piece of paper, and I didn’t realize it until I started taking notes on a blank page.
One chapel David Choi was speaking (for Spring Special Services part 1, 2, 3). My chapel seat this semester is terrible, and I really struggle to stay engaged when I can’t see anything because of the chandeliers in the way. But I really like David Choi, so I decided to try and stay engaged. I decided to start doodling because my mind was flowing into images of pain and suffering, I was really struggling with life in general while I was sitting listening to David speak, and although he wasn’t relating to me specifically, I was broken. And I felt it. I came up with this:
It’s a picture of God’s grace, and my complete, and utter brokenness. I was quoting some of what David was talking about (he was talking about being branches, and he was talking about how there was nothing we could do to make God love us less, etc.). I also struggled with the pain I was feeling and why I was feeling it, and I questioned why I was feeling it. I didn’t feel joy in my heart, and I did feel God’s love or presence in my life at the time either. I was struggling with who I was and who God created me to be, and I was met by God’s grace. Words of love and grace kept flowing from my pen despite the pain and struggle I was feeling. I was hurting and alone, and I was still met by God’s grace and love for me. The collision of my brokenness and pain left me with grace and love.