And classes have begun. I woke up on the first day of class at 8:30, and read an email from my professor announcing the location of one of my classes, which apparently was at 8am. I had some confusion, obviously, because I thought that the class’ time was TBA but it was actually the location. It didn’t feel very good to realize that not only had I slept through class, I slept through my first class of the semester. Not the best way to start off a new year.
This semester feels that way in general. I feel like I’m tripping into the new semester, not sure why I’m still taking classes, and not really wanting to be taking classes. I’m nervous and I don’t want to mess up and possibly have to spend (probably the rest of my life) at Wheaton.
My question I’m coming into the semester with is, how can I be Jesus to these people around me? I struggle because a lot of the friendships I’ve invested in are going to be moving on and going on in their lives (just like most of my friends did last year). And that scares me. Especially when I care about these people and I want to love them like Jesus loves them. But that takes energy, energy I’m willing to give, but knowing that in the end it will lead them elsewhere.
I’m realizing as a student, that we get stuck in this routine of school. We get stuck in this schedule of classes, sitting in class, going to rehearsals, sitting in more class, doing homework and studying, and then sleeping, waking up, and doing the same thing. I personally can’t stand it. I’m the type of person who needs change, at least small little change in the midst of familiarity, and I lose that when I’m stuck in a routine. But another observation, I feel like I learn the most and grow the most when I seize opportunities that break me out of my routine.
I pray that although comfort and stability feel right, that I would accept the opportunities to break the routine and just be. In those moments that I feel uncomfortable and uneasy, I pray I would continue to seek after those and learn to love despite the itching feeling to leave. I don’t want to have a life of routine, but a life of constant change seeking and growing to be more like Christ.